This week, I read someone else’s blog that really struck home with me.
The main take away I have from it is:
“The mental load means always having to remember. The mental load is almost completely borne by women. It’s permanent and exhausting work. And it’s invisible…… What our partners are really saying, when they ask us to tell them what needs to be done, is that they refuse to take on their share of the mental load.”
Here is the link to the full article.
Of course, this isn’t true in 100% of relationships/marriages. However, I do agree that my mental load is so overwhelming that I probably can’t even remember it all to regurgitate it here, but I’ll give it a go.
(in no particular order of importance or urgency)
- constantly thinking about and dealing with my mother’s meds & diabetes & diet
- remembering my mother’s schedule and appointments
- remembering my children’s schedule and appointments- all of them, even though they aren’t all living at home – mentally, I keep track of them all… for example: Is this a late night for Abi or an early morning? Will I have to stay late and put mom to bed? What about the dog?, What does Liz need for her hiking trip? I need to make the strawberry roll ups for her try. , When is Lydia going to be home? Is she working? Is she with friends? What can she do to help with the addition?, Does Esther have after school activities today? What time do I need to pick her up? Can she find a ride? Why isn’t she practicing her horn? Did she contact the French teacher about her grade?…. and on and on….
- what food will I prepare for each meal
- do we even have food in the house to prepare
- what is my schedule? who is picking up who and what time
- what do I need to prepare for scouts next week – there is a whole lot of detail in that one: shirts (find them), labels, bottles, games, vests, food list, final details for Savannah, who still needs to turn in a health from, who hasn’t blogged, what reservations need paid, who do I need to call and check on the reservation, is all the money deposited, I will need to contact the bank to tell them about the vacation, games for the road, supplies from here, packing …. and on and on…
- household details like: I really should wash the dirty clothes, I need to paint my room, I need to wash and paint my mother’s room, mail that box that I promised a month ago, clear a path through the house….
- which leads me to all the details of the construction: paint – do I have enough?, what color am I doing in Liz’s old room?, we need to get the walls washed, we need to get them painted, we need to get the carpet pulled, the subfloor coated with water seal, the stairs need painted, the carpet runner put on them, the trim painted, the boxes moved, the floors mopped, the window screens replaced, the closets set up, which stone for the fireplace, … and on and on…
- then there is the fun stuff that I have going on too… the yarn crafts: next part of the Citrus Explosion Afghan, what am I doing for a border on the temperature afghan, I need to finish the ends on the dino afghan, who else wanted what?, who is getting which afghan?…. and more…
- and what about the animals… is there food, does the dog need out, should I do something about Jupiter’s eye, where is Dinah, don’t forget to feed the outside cats…
- not to mention the things I cannot find because of the construction: where is my swimsuits, those GS t-shirts, the aloe, the labels…
There is so much more going on that I can’t even remember it all now… like writing this blog has been part of the mental load for a couple days…
A friend of mine told me a few days ago that her brain was “mush.” I told her that brain mush was my specialty. She told me: “You function quite well!” HAHAHAHAHAHA I don’t really… or I do only because my brain, for some reason, keeps these things swirling and I am able to do them/take care of them at just the right time. I really feel like I am not keeping on top of anything, but I guess I must be… or at least enough that everyone is still alive and fed and getting where they need to go…. however, don’t talk to me about when was the last time I washed my dirty clothes.