Keeping Your Mouth Shut

I seem to be doing that a lot lately… keeping my mouth shut.

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Why?  Mainly because my opinion is not valued… my insight is not considered important… I don’t want to come off as a “know it all”… I don’t want to hurt feelings or offend people… I sometimes forget/fail to filter what I say and then I feel bad about it or hurt someone’s feelings and I don’t want to do that…

 

Is this a good thing?  Keeping my mouth shut?  I’m not certain.  I think that it could be… but maybe not?

 

I sit and watch some event/gathering and know that I could have helped make it better… but ..

  1.  I wasn’t asked.
  2.  I don’t want to step on toes.
  3. I wasn’t asked.

 

Why didn’t I speak up?  Because I do not want to hurt someone’s feelings… mainly that is it.  I have decided that letting people do what they are capable of doing and what they want to do is fine.  (Well, not really, it bugs the heck out of me but…)  Even when I know that something could be/should be better, I am keeping my mouth shut.   I am letting them succeed or fail and it won’t be my problem…. right?

 

I am choosing to be silent.  I am choosing to not get involved.  I am choosing to let things continue as mediocre.  I am allowing others to do as they see fit.

 

I’m not sure this is best for my blood pressure.  I’m not sure this is best for my mental health.

 

However, what else is there to do?

 

If I speak up, I feel the resentment.  I am treated with resentment (not always, but often).  I feel like I am being “bossy” and taking things over.  I hurt people’s feelings.   I am rejected as a friend.  I am talked about behind my back and behind closed doors.

 

It is very hard to sit on my hands… to take a back seat… to keep my mouth shut… to not get involved… to let others take the lead and make the decisions… I am really struggling with this.

 

I have recently been told that I come off as “stand-off-ish”… I guess this plays right into that.

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Brasil

I check my blog stats almost daily.

 

For the last several days, I see that I have readers in Brasil.  This make me happy for a couple reasons.

 

  1.  I spent 10 months in Brasil when I was in High School as a Rotary Exchange Student.
  2.  I can now wonder if those readers…. whoever they are… might contact me and help me find the family that I stayed with while I was there and lost touch with 25+ years ag0 – well before the internet era of ease of communication.

 

So… if you are one of those readers from Brasil… I lived in the state of Sao Paulo.  I was in the city of Araraquara.  My family’s last known address was in Sao Carlos.  I can give you full names for all the members of the family and approximate ages.

 

Thanks!!

Irritants?

Is there something that you do that irritates others?

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Is there something that irritates you?

 

Is there something your loved one does repeatedly, that they know irritates you and yet, they continue to do it?

 

Do dirty clothes on the floor bother you?

Do your children leave their dishes in the living room?

Does someone consistently leave the toilet seat up?

Do you love someone that plays their music too loud – all the time?

Do you live with someone that grinds their teeth when they chew?

Do you have to remind someone to clean up after themselves – every day?

 

What do you do?

 

How do you handle it if you live with some activity/action that your loved one does that irritates you?  They know it irritates you.   Yet, they continue with very little change or consideration for your feelings.

 

Is this a time where you just “suck it up” and live with it, because, certainly you must have something that irritates them and therefore it is equal?

Is this a time when you get angry and remind them AGAIN how much that irritates you and how you feel it is inconsiderate?

Is this a time for introspection on your part so that you can figure out why it irritates you?

 

What if you already know why it irritates you  and you feel that you have shared that reasoning before and still there seems to be a lack of concern for you?

 

Does this mean that the other person is unfeeling and selfish?  Does this mean that the other person is an egomaniac and only cares for themselves?  Could be.

Does this mean that the other person doesn’t fully understand the impact their action/activity takes on you.  Most Likely.

 

One would hope that loved ones would not deliberately continue to do something that they know is very bothersome to the person they love.  Yes, it might continue some (after all, one would assume they like to do it) but, one would hope, they would curtail it in your presence.

 

What is the reason for your uncomfortableness with the action/activity?

 

Is it a physical reason?  Do you become injured because they leave things in your way to trip over?  Or harm yourself on?

Is it a physical reason?  Does your blood pressure go up because of the stress?

Is it a physical reason?  Do you get a headache because of an odor?

Is it an emotional reason?  Does it make you think of a former terrible experience?

Is it an emotional reason?  Does it make you sad?

Is it an emotional reason?  Does it cause you stress and unrest?

Is it an economical reason?  Is there something going to waste?

Is it an economical reason?  Is there a better/easier/more efficient way to do it?

 

If you know the reason you are irritated by the action…  If you feel you have shared that reason with your loved one…  I’m not certain what to do next if they do not seem to be concerned about your feelings/well being.

 

I believe that one should almost always put others first.  That you should help others, you should care for others, you should take others feelings into consideration.  However, where does that leave me?  I guess that leaves me on the bottom of the pile, being walked on, used, ignored, neglected and irritated.    Is that what should be happening?  Should one always “suck it up” when faced with these irritants?

 

I am certain that everyone feels that way at times. Everyone thinks they go out of the way to help others.  That they are the ones always compromising or giving in.

 

This is part of living with others.  We live in a give and take world.  At times we have to give more than expected.

 

Giving is good.  We teach our children to share, not to grab as much as they can.  (OK, some parents do teach them to grab, but… for the sake of this blog, we’ll assume that those parents are the exception.)    We teach our children to say please and thank you… to hold the door for others… to say excuse me when they want to interrupt or pass in front of someone… to be polite.

 

Why is then that in our own homes and families, we  fail?   Is it because we are so comfortable  with those human beings and the fact that they must love us that we let down our guard?  Or is it because we can only be polite and courteous so long that we just don’t care when we are at home?

 

I do not have any answers…. I really don’t.   I wish I did.     😦

 

 

 

 

 

 

Name

Two different people have been pushing… challenging… encouraging me to think about setting up a website business for custom made yarn items.

I could do that.

 

HOWEVER…

 

Would it be worth the effort?

Will it bring me an income?

Will it take the fun and creativity out of knitting/crocheting that I love?

Will it take all my time and not leave me the time to make the things I want to make for myself and my family/friends?

 

All hard questions I have to wrestle with.

 

Let’s suppose that I decide to do it.

 

What do I call it??

 

What name do I put on my business?

It would need to be something catchy.

Something unique.

Something cute.

Something that fits me.

 

My goal of the business would be to create personalized, custom, unique items for individuals on a piece by piece basis.  I do NOT want to mass produce one item over and over and over and over again.  BLAH    I need to be creative.

 

I would like to have the ability to tell them “no” if I have to much on my plate and /or just don’t have the time to do it.

I already make things for friends and family (and Girl Scouts).  I want (need) to have the time to continue to do that.

 

I do know what kind of logo I would want.    I will have one of my Girl Scouts that is in the graphic design program work that on for me – I’ll barter with her.    😉

I’ll make her something wonderful if she’ll make me the graphic.  Something like this.

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or this

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But what do I call myself?

 

Tentatively I had being using

PAZSCREATION

But there is nothing creative about that.

 

So… suggestions for business names, please.

 

Thanks!