Can’t do anything right?

Do you feel that no matter how hard you try you can’t do anything right?   That you can’t please anyone – at any time.  None of that:  “some of the people, some of the time…”  hoo-ha.

 

That is where I am… thanks to the last 24 hours.

 

Even when I have tried my best, it is met with criticism, anger, derision, disgust, and ungratefulness.  Was that what I expected when I started out?  Of course not.

So what can I do about it.

  1.  I can remember that I am an adult.  I might not want to be an adult most days, but I am.   Since one if the incidents involved a teenager,  I need to keep reminding myself that, even though she SHOULD know better, she probably doesn’t.
  2. I’m just going to suck it up and keep reminding myself that my motives were good.  That I am not at fault, that I did nothing wrong, I am bigger than this.
  3. I guess #2 applies to all incidents – teenagers or adults – I know the truth within myself.  I know that I am not as terrible as might be believed.

 

That is hard, though, isn’t it.  How many times a day does my brain replay the incident.  Since I tend towards pessimism (big surprise there if you have ever read my blog), I replay them constantly.  I would venture to guess that I replay some things 100s of time and imagine different scenarios of resolution or confrontation or communication each time.

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I wish I didn’t feel like I need people’s approval.  But I do.  There they are again, my insecurities jumping up and down to get out.

 

Those people full of self confidence, that don’t let little things phase them…. that take things in stride and let things “roll off their backs.”  Yeah, that’s not me.  It has never been me.  I need reassurances.  I need approval – right or wrong – it is how I am wired.

 

I am sucking up the teenager incident because I know that child and know that, in reality, she needs approval and her rant of disgust was just a chance for her to be the center of attention.

 

When the incident is adult-adult, that is harder.  Then my insecurities really come out full force because I begin to doubt myself.  I do not have confidence.  I am cowed by their words.  I usually feel insignificant and a lesser human being when harsh words are expressed to me from someone that should be my peer.    I do not do confrontation and thus, become like a turtle and retreat into my little shell of safety – usually with my knitting needles.

 

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Outdoor Cat Shelter

I have been meaning to make this for a very long time (months, years?) and finally took advantage of another beautiful November day in Ohio.  Those don’t happen too often.

 

1. Have a broken garbage can that you haven’t gotten rid of.  Ours is broken on the bottom.  Not sure how that happened.  Since we do not need it, because the garbage collection company provides us with a can, I can repurpose it and not feel like I need to fix it or buy a new one.

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2.  Clean it out.  It was relatively clean, a few leaves and some moisture.  I just used an old dog towel to dry it out.  The cats don’t need it to be cloroxed.

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3.  Since ours is broken on the bottom, I secured the lid on the top.  The cats will come and go from the bottom flap.

4.  To be certain that the flap does not close on them and get stuck somehow so they can’t get in or out, I used an old piece of 2×2 and duct taped it under the flap to keep it slightly ajar.

5.  Use the foam packing from a deceased printer box.  It worked perfectly.  The two 1/2 pieces stacked at the back (lid end) and the other one will serve as a bed.

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6.  Add a disgusting old pillow that has been rejected and was taking up space the the cupboard (no pillow case needed) and add an old (dog) towel as well to finish adding comforts.

7.  Move it in place beside the garage next to the old tire and wheelbarrow.

 

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Now to watch for the cats to find it and investigate.  I know they will because they already were hanging around this area under the wheelbarrow and the garbage can when it was just randomly thrown there.

 

I’ll post photos when I see them there.

 

UH OH… it has been a month

I was planning on being better at blogging regularly.  Not that I have a huge following but still….

 

I have been only marginally busy this past month, so I can’t blame that.    I have been contemplating some ideas to blog about (more along the moral compass line) but nothing I felt ready to expound on yet.

 

What I have mainly been doing is making critters… and hats… and mittens…

 

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These will be gifts for my Girl Scouts for Christmas.  Now, I have to go block those girls who are on Facebook from reading this and seeing that photo….

 

Here is a bit of knitting wisdom from a little book I have:

 

“Real success is finding your lifework in the work that you love.”

“Most knitters can’t imagine anything better than spending their days curled up knitting, shopping for wool (yarn), and getting paid for it.”

I, most certainly, could subscribe to that philosophy.  I have been doing several projects that were commissioned and thus got paid for them.  I have been squirreling away that money towards an anniversary cruise for 2017.  I don’t know how much $$ I have saved up.  I am resisting the urge to count it and see where I am.  I will do that when it is time to make the reservations.  I am hopeful that I will be pleasantly surprised.

 

I do not mind doing commissioned projects.  The only issue is… I stop working on fun projects I want to do for my own family.  Therefore (this is a notice for everyone)… in January, I will not be doing projects for anyone but myself.  If you have asked me to make you something, I will do so, but it may not get done as quickly as you want.  Just like in “real” life, you have to take time for yourself… to rest and renew… I need to take the time to finish a project that has been on my table but on the back burner for almost a year now.