Do you ever feel like your life is on hold? That you are just waiting for something to come… or something to be done… or something to happen?
I don’t mean the kind of hold where you call the cable company and listen to bad music for 2 hours… I don’t mean the kind of hold when you can’t find a bathroom…
I know some people will probably say that they felt like their life was on hold while they raised their children. Waiting for the empty nest so they could do “adult” things that they wanted to do. THAT IS NOT ME! I loved raising my kids. We did lots of things as a family. I never wanted to hurry those years along. In fact, I would take those years all over again. I’m sad that in October I will no longer even have any teenager!
Was I looking forward to an empty nest? Not really…. maybe a little… but I so enjoy having a family, getting them all raised and out of the house, while important, was never some goal that I was constantly striving for.
However…. lately, taking care of a sen-ager… a quickly failing one… really does seem to have me in a holding pattern. This has been a long 5 years of caregiving. The first 4 weren’t too bad. She was able to do personal care for herself. We could still go and do many things without much disruption. These last 6-8 months have been steadily decreasing. I now feel like I cannot do anything that I really want… that I am in a holding pattern waiting for an end that I don’t know when it will be. I’m trying to keep doing some things, but there are just some things we cannot do. 😦
What am I to do? Nothing, I guess. I’ll keep holding on. I’ll keep ordering take out instead of eating in a restaurant. I’ll keep walking while pushing a wheelchair, on flat, boring trails. The hold could be short… it could be long… only God knows. Though, I sure would like Him to lean more to the short side.